Kids

Don't do it.

Don't listen to her. You've seen her taste in music which should be warning enough to prevent you from taking this advice.

Kids are the single greatest thing that will ever happen to you. Period. Nothing else comes close and nothing else matters if you have children. Having 2 boys first I couldn't imagine anything being better than that until I had a daughter. Once they hit 3 years old and start to let go of their mum obsession and become daddy's little girl it's all over. I realise I'm fucked for life with her having this power over me but what can you do?

I would almost go as far to say that imo life doesn't mean shit until you have them. Trust me, you'll understand what I mean once you experience it.

 

I'm sure you are a wonderful parent Noddy. Piss off with your personal digs at my taste in music grandad

Just because i'm still raving hard and you got your zimmer zimmer 

post.

Noddy you ever thought about fostering / adoption as well though?

I have 3 kids under the age of 7. The last thing I'm thinking about is adding any more right now. The option of adoption was never really discussed but I'm sure if we were unable to have kids of our own I have no doubt we would have considered it.

Maybe she's in the market for a new daddy?

Tough but fair.

have started my day with a smile reading this post josh 

made me smile

i'm an unlce and it is fucking awesome spending time with my niece. i do admit that it is great to give her back at the end of the day tho 

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she's adorable timmy!

I had this one on Wednesday:

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Agreed. 

haha, he's adorable too.

i hope you were supervised with him tho liam!

Actvely dislike kids. They're just not my thing. Of course, with the wedding coming up the next question EVERYONE asks is "So, when are the kids coming along?"

I will play with friend's kids and spend a lot of time and give them attention, but I don't want them myself.

*Dons proud parent hat*

I absolutely adore Koebi and I guarantee Myles would say the same thing!!

Its hard work, but worth it to see him smile everyday! 

Awww.. this thread is so cute!

Give me a tour of Easter europe, one more of USA, couple more years of running a muck and then I will be ready to pop out some kids! LOL

Yeah same here. Having kids is a nice romantic notion but the reality of it isn't necessarily so rosey! I actually don't know how anyone could afford to have kids since a single income doesn't seem to be enough to support a family! I wouldn't even consider having kids unless I owned a house, I don't see that happening anytime soon!

same here. luckily for ali and i though, this will be coming into fruition over the next few years.

can not wait to have kids (as long as i can afford them to have the decent life they deserve)

Nice..  That is the way it should be..

I posted exactly the same thing on another board and people started going off on one properly!

It wasnt meant to be a dig at people who can't have kids, I feel bad for a couple of couples I know which have been unable to have kids, my neighbours are in thier 80's and love talking to me - and I always think it's a shame, they would of made wonderful parents.

But the reason I posted this up was because in the last week - 8 people have mentioned this whole kid thing!

Thats a lot of people to "mention" things about have I got kids, where are my kids, etc etc etc

I was in Spain and the security staff joked that I shouldnt leave it too late, that thier kids are thier world, and the bloke I sit next to in our office keeps banging on about it.. then theres my housemates best mate, saying your life changes when you have them....

Im 27. Its not even that old !! I've got a good 10 years yet before my body clock ticks. And whats with people telling me I should think about it, isn't that really bad that society EXPECTS us to breed, even if we arent ready? I think its a bad thing..

But the thing is, I think my childhood is completely relevant to the reason why I don't want to have kids yet. I'm not ruling it out at all... one day hopefully I will be in a position to have children, but I have seen so many kids suffer at the expense of shit parenting, and been first hand on that experience, that the last thing I want is to have a child and be unable to give it 100% what it needs.

Plus I don't get maternity pay. 




EXACTLY!! And this is why I love you guys, because you are all sound, caring thoughtful people on here, who have respect for life and other human beings. 

No kids for me.

I am considering the big snip.

I have no doubts it's for the best.

How old are you Rob?

Because its a lot easier for older men to bring up kids than it is for older women, for that we have the menopause etc and you boys dont - but if you're 30 ish, thats still young I think

I will be 27 soon

I can hardly keep a steady relationship going, let alone have kids!

Yes it's a bad thing, but it's individuals rather than society that pressure people to have kids... lots of people say they feel this pressure but I've never experienced it.

Mate, yr far too young to have the snip, I think, please don't do it.

The fact that you are able to think about a steady relationship, is the first step to providing a stable home for a child one day, and you therefore have more qualities of what a good parent should have, than some of the fuckwits that don't deserve kids at all... and who don't provide a stable loving environment, so just hold on a bit before you do the chop !

I think we are young, I still feel like a big kid myself, raving still, I don't really look close 28 and I def don't act it 

I wanna be wise and secure before I commit my life to looking after a little one. I don't think you get wise young, though I do think sometimes if I leave it later, will I be too old to be running about with them? It's like is there a right time to ever have kids or just go with the flow and let it happen. I'm just a bit disturbed at people expecting me to have them like im weird if I don't.

But maybe you only become wise after you have kids 

Until then you never feel like a grown up... maybe....

Yeh thats what people have been saying... that once you have kids your life totally changes.

And i'm happy for them, really I am. Its great that people have that, I just don't think that should be the reason to have kids. People should do it when they are ready, and if they aren't - don't do it. Its the expectation of having to have them that weirds me, that because I don't have a maternal bone in my body yet, that i'm weird for it.

Call me a little old fashioned but I would like to be married first, have a large house they can rome around in, and be as far away from the type of environment I was dragged up in. How is that weird? I thought that was more sensible than doing what the rest of the world is doing, breeding like rabbits, living like ants and acting like bafoons.

the stats for pregnancies becoming wayyy complicated increase dramatically for women over the age of 35... plus the risk of diseases and problems with the baby...

as much as i want to hold off having kids, reckon i will have some sooner rather than later! not thinking bout it yet, but when the time is right (ie been working for a bit, settled down n travelled a little) i think it will be baby time.

kids do cost a lot, but u dont need to buy new shit all the time, have a three bedroom house ready to go, etc etc for when u have them! my parents wouldnt have had much money when they had us, but they survived. my salary will be more than their's combined, when i start working again, living costs aside just saying that its more expensive these days isnt an excuse!

good point tho!!!



ps i think a lot of people put the pressure on cause they secretly want u to be like them...conformity at its best!

Exactly what my housemate said last night. That people want you to conform to thier ideas and thier views, and thier way of life, and if you aren't like them, they can't handle it and outcast you.

Just more reason to find like minded people, who are on the same wavelength imo and ignore them that arent. Maybe my whole outlook on life will change when I have kids, but like I said, that shouldn't be the reason to go ahead and have them imo.

But people on different wavelengths can still get along, just ignore the dickheads who can't accept eachothers differences 

I'm thinking about how rich I will be without kids though

I'll still be poor, and have no damn kids to support me 

My vet bill was £700, I hate to think what it would be like with children. Not a vet bill but other things 


This... is so worrying though because it's on my mind. Like I have to sort it out, get married, have kids before im 35. Men don't have this to worry about at all.

Jesus, my dirty mind...

Ohhh... that is WRONG TOWN! LOL
Speaking of wrongtown.. everytime I see your name "Keyser".. I think of lingerie.. there is a brand called Kayser!!

anyway.. Back to Kids! ...... Ain't they fukn great! hahahah

me and my nephew when i met him last year
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 :angel:I feel all warm and fuzzy!

being a (step) parent rocks! Both of Gary's kids live with us full time, and I was always one of those 'I'm too selfish to have kids' kind of people, but fuck me! Revelation of my life! Total change in perspective and priorities, for the better I say! These 2 boys teach me more about myself and people in general everyday than I could ever have hoped to learn on my own! Since I met Gary and moved over here etc I have found out that I pretty much can't have babbers, and feel amazingly blessed to have 2 amazing kids that I can pretty much call my own. Elliot and Sebastian rock!

Fucken Oath! 1 Day to go 

one day?! how exciting!!!

yep woot woot

Kids are rocking, I love my twin cousins to bits..

big ups mate, hope it all goes well

If nothing else, this thread has shown there's another side to Josh that we his mates see all the time. He's not just just the pooh-masting,downie-porn-mongering,suckin-it-down wise cracking pedo that most AM people might think

spot on!

oh and speaking of kids, I'm going to be my nieces Godfather *insert Brando joke here*


that's pretty cool:)

i'm a godfather too 

Do you guys, as godfathers, understand the idea behind it? It's meant to be if the parents aren't doing a good job, you will be there and provide spiritual guidance.

Neither my godmother or godfather have done crap all for me! Except once when my godfather's other godkid committed suicide a few years back and he got the guilts and wrote me a letter saying he's here for me. It was very nice of him and I can understand why he did it, but I don't really need a godfather at this juncture of my life.

my godfather is my uncle who is long divorced from my auntie so i never see him.

my godmother is my mum & dad's friend's daughter who i haven't seen in about 15 years and wouldn't know her if i walked past her in the street!

lucky i'm independent, and my parents are still around!

I'm not the person for "spiritual guidance" but yes, know very well what the role entails

and the parents are doing a bangup job so no dramas there

Do most people have godparents or not? I don't have godparents 

Instead of a christening my cousins had a "Naming Day", and instead of godparents they have "sponsors" 

the god parents role is also to be there for you if anything ever happened to your parents yeah?

i dont have official god parents but certainly have plenty of people who would and do play that role in my life.

it will be the same for my children, no god parents as such, but definately will have people in their lives that will play that role.

Nope, though i was never christened. Up until my Brothers wedding, the only church I'd ever been in wa St Pauls

Though I swear this one time i saw jesus raving there, that's hardly holey

i have god parents.

i also have a name day celebration which is supposed to be more important than my birthday itself. unfortunately however being named chris means my name day is christmas day, so fuck that for a joke!

I thought they were supposed to look after you if your parents died or something, like if there was no one else to look after you.


I have godparents, but I don't know them - I dont even remember thier names.


Damn. But nice of him to write still.

same, plus they live in the UK so not much they can do from there.

its awesome being godmother to my lil niece

that is what i thought it was. neither my sister or myself are religious but her other half wanted it done.

 
single biggest understatement of the year/decade/century/millenium

fuck me, i cant believe how much my life has changed.





awesome times just the same. especially the first time you come home and she smiles in recognition or first time she runs up and says "daddy daddy"
cripes its fucking hard work, but boy is it a barrell of laughs enough times too. my DJing days are definitely numbered tho.
shit that reminds me, got to get the will/power of attorney sorted
damn parental responsibilities x 1,000,000

im lucky that the majority of my best mates have all started to have children within the last year, so we're all in the same boat.

 Last night Sal's nephew came out at bedtime and said he wanted me to read him a story

 

haha thats wicked kids are cool cause there so innocent

My eldest sister has godparents, but me and another sister don't. So i guess my olds chucked in the religion shit.
I'm a godmother and it's a rocking job.
I was in the shower today at my sisters house. My 4 year old nephew smashes on the door and yells at me to hurry up cos i was draining the Murray River. Before lunch he says 'I'm so hungry i could eat a horse and chase the jockey'. WTF! HAHAHA

Got to speak to my little nephews on the phone on Saturday, awww soooo cute.  Fuck me the 3 year old, Seth can talk some shit! Wonder where he gets that from

Anyways I was so stoked he remembered me and stuff we did while I was there.

he's been watching too much tv!!

the boys came home with shining reports cards today, it makes us feel pretty good to know that we have been a part of that! Go kids!

You can all have kids for me! I still don't want them, despite all the glowing stories on here!

Just how many AMers have kids, seems there are more than I thought!

aww uncie simon

That's on a tv ad at the moment... he stole someone elses bit 

Me & Myles
Clever
Ambo
Ribbo & Gary
Patch
Noddy

Thats all I can think of at the moment....

Definately. I didn't expect so many to. 


Was a programme on last night about this guy in the UK on BBC, he gets £400 a week free money for the 20 kids he has spawned. All sitting in a small grotty house, smoking, drinking. Kids aren't getting much at all, hes coming out of the shopping market with a trolly full of stella and fags. When asked why doesn't he work - answers "Id only get £200 a week, how would I feed 20 kids"

Idiot.

heres my beautiful baby girl born today

Scarlett Elle

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Nice one Ben!

Here is Marley (born Wednesday):

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and Mya (Saturday):

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Yeah I've been busy... 

  @ leezee

congrats ambo



lets just hope she takes after tiff

Aww congratulations 

congrats to ben and tiff

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kids are the hottest free and non munt entertainment EVER! Tonight when we were having dinner, Elliot randomly announced his intention to pose as an adult midget so that he get a high paying job! Totally serious too!

fuck man, soooooooooo funny!

congratulations ambo. that's great news.

Yup congrats to Ambo and Tiff!



  indeed

oh awesome! I am so so happy for Tiffany!

Send my love to her will you?

so happy

Congrats guys.

Amazing all these glowing stories about kids.

I still can't stand the little buggers though. 

I met my Best Friends baby today, Baily James.. im in love! Im Aunty Bec and could not be happier! 

Congrats Ambo and Tiff!

let the good times roll


only recently have i decided i am ready to have kids. now to find someone to have them for me.....

Im having that same problem

i want step 3 yet i havent yet reached step 1 

lets start a club 

prob solved bec can have flukes and timbohs kids

shotgun 


 

My new motto is 'Dont screw the Crew'


( )

I'm the opposite, I've always wanted em and have someone to have them with.  My problem is getting him to agree before my ovaries dry up! (if they haven't already) 

Typical.

And I was pretty much the last one left.

add me to the list. Maybe she's hating on ginger facial hair

it's a bit unfair for me don't you think bec. i never stood a chance.

stupid fiance' 

i cant wait to have kids when the time is right but it kinda freaks me out.

so much shit going on in the world that you cant protect them from.

would hate to think my kids will get up to even half the stuff i did and still do.

I wouldn't hide any of the things I've gotten up to from my (future) kids. I would def be very discreet about everything until they were 15 or so and even then I'd discourage them from experimenting with anything until they are at least 18... but then I'd prob wanna get messy with em.

My brother and sister both had bad asthma so that meant every winter at least one of them was in hospital and it was a huge stress out for them and my parents. So that taught me that if you choose to have kids then you have to be willing to look after them for the rest of their life, because they could have an ongoing illness or have some kind of permanent disability which requires constant care.

Having kids is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get 


My parents were like that... I think it was good, I wasn't interested in weed as early as the other kids around me because it wasn't some big mystery.

Hope I'm never that parent


However i feel good knowing that there prolly wont be to much I wont be able to advise them on from my own experiences

 

Im gonna employ that line! Thats some top advice there. Some of my mateys need to hear that 

I think that demystifying drugs to your kids is a good idea. I didn't have an urge to binge drink as a teenager, as my parents would let me have a drink with them once or twice a year since I was about 14.
Of course, it's somewhtat different with drugs. But I remember when I had my first I had NO idea, and that's why I wanted to. If I'd been told and taught I probably wouldn't have been so gung ho on it.

We can thank Timmy for the lengthy conversation we had on the topic in London. *pumps chest with fist* Respect! 

Fuck... Thanks Timmay..

when i have kids i want to bring them up in an underdeveloped/unwestern country

Tightass 

 


My sister wants to do that too.


 

i just don't want to bring them up into this new life man has created for himself. i want to be a hippy.

(there i said it )

Just promise me you'll wash your hair!

You're kids will hate it! I was raised hippy, and when I was four I told my mum that when I grew up I was gonna be straight 

Actually it was ok being hippy... except when we visited communes 

i dont mean an actual 'hippy'

i want my kids to grow up in a village or small town or something in asia, where there is much less available to them than there is here, and expose them to western culture a bit later on.

Well at least let them play with Barbie dolls.... they'll thank you for it when they're older!

still dark are ya?

Hell YES 

I wasn't allowed to play with barbies, but I showed them coz now I'm blonde with big boobs 

 Singlet/ No Singlet?
 

you cant get messy with your kids!!

That's right! I got tipsy with my dad once and it just felt wrong!

tell that to Sammie's mum

And why not?!?!? It's not like I'd encourage them to take drugs, etc. But if they were going to I'd rather supply them and especially join them for their first try.
8 years and counting before I can take my lil sis out.
I think it's important to be on the same 'level' as ur kids. Something my parents never & still don't understand.

Ewww no... maybe supply them but let them do their own thing!

Parents are meant to be the authority figure, not the mate, they teach whats right or wrong.

plus when I remember my first time the last person i would have wanted to be there with me would be my parents!!

I'm all for talking about it so that they can learn to do it responsibly if they are gonna do it.

but getting all plurred up with your parents would just be weird and uncomfortable!

But why??? If they didn't want me there I'd leave them be, but I'd like to think I could have the kind of relationship with my kids that they wouldn't mind either way. And I'm talking about their 18th b'day for example.


There's needs to be a very fine line between authority figure and their friend. My dad was always the authority figure and my mum tried to be both. But because of dad it didn't work for her either. These days I have a decent relationship with both my parents, but there is still that underlying history of how things were that pops it's head up occasionally. I'll be trying my utmost to not repeat this.

And the gettin plurred around ur olds thing involves many other things. Like u wouldn't be sitting on the couch all close n shit with them. But if they were comfortable being affectionate with their friend\partner with you around, what difference does it make if ur around and stopping by to talk and make sure they're enjoying and coping with their time on the level.

I've offered to take my mum out with me to a club and possible to any after events. I've even told her what would be going on, but it basically comes down to her thinking she would feel uncomfortable. But I think this is mostly to do with her not ever experiencing this sort of lifestyle. She's never tried any drugs and she was married with 3 kids by her 25th b'day. She even mentioned the other day that my dads therapist suggested some kind of hypnotherapy involving Ketmine... my comment was something along the lines of "He should try it... he might enjoy it & benefit mentally from it."

But would you have wanted to do it with your parents on your 18th birthday?

I wouldn't even though I do have that kind of relationship with my parents and they'd be ok with it!

what's wrong with "good cop bad cop" approach?

as you said you have a good relationship now, right. probably one of more respect AND friendship.

if parents don't lay down the law then who the hell else can?!

That's why I said there NEEDS to be that fine line between the two. I think I'm quite good at it. I've always been around kids and having a baby sis when I was 18 has taught me so much. When I was still living at home I was more of a father to her than my dad (due to his depression). And it still shows in how she acts around dad compared to myself. She is basically just scared of my dad where she tries to push her luck with me until I put my foot down. Then there's the tantrum until she calms down. Twenty minutes later she is begging to play uno or do some painting again. You really just need to know how to talk to them and make them understand that you are there as the authority figure and their friend.

If my kids were still wanting to hang around a cunt like me when they're 18 I'll definitely feel that I've failed as a parent.

Absolutely.

I seriously hope my kids have better things to do at that age than get munted with me.

would be interesting seeing their reactions when you crack jokes about rooting them!

I'm going to have twins, and give the evil one all the love in the world, and totally ignore the good one...

Then we'll really see if it's nature v nurture that makes someone act in a certain way...

God Julian, I have this very Stewie Griffin like image in my head of the evi twin.

I don't think I'd get munted with kids, mainly as I don't take stuff any more and Terry would have a heart atack. But I WOULD educate them about it and not hide what I did. This is so they'd feel safe coming to me with any troubles. I couldn't do that with my folks about drugs.

I tell ya what, has anyone ever been to a recovery where everyone is going hard, and a parent unexpectantly drops round?

Fukn sketchy as.

Everyone panics

 

cleasc you got it all the wrong way round - your kids wont want to get munted with you. as good as your relationship might be with your kids, its totally normal for kids to want to distance themselves from their parents as they grow up, express their individuality etc. Still, i had a little more respect for my folks after mum admitted they'd smoked a bit of weed in the 60s. I never got the 'DONT EVER DO IT DRUGSAREBADMMKAY' speech - more along the lines of be careful, cautious and safe - and i listened to that advice.

i intend to get my kids to supply me with at least weed if im not growing it myself - the contacts are slowly but surely drying up as i get older



Congrats Ambo - that explains why no reply to the messages
hope youre both getting some sleep!


my little one has been ridiculously adorable lately. talking crazy amounts, but still far from the 'terrible two' stage yet.
nothing like first getting home from a long day at work and having a smile beam across her face as she says "daddy daddy!"
hehe, turns me into a right ol softy!

I think you misheard Timmy. He actually said 'Don't screw the Drew!'

We may still have a chance Chris & Quaz.

it was pretty funny preaching "don't screw the crew" to del and bec

all eight of us left had just snorted big lines of K when the folks of the guy whose 30th it was came to pick up silverware

when they left we all had even huger lines of K that i had prepared. they were bloody hyooooge

Did they get what you were talking about? It's not like intercrew intercourse has ever caused problems for them. Oh, wait.......

 

Laugh it up guys!! In my defense... I got nothin...

Back on topic.. 

Not even from Del's magical tongue technique?

oh shit, snap!!

oh, you guys are being meanies!

the poor girl 

They love me really 

i'm glad my parents don't understand that both of my parents are great people but i don't think i'd be keen on having the old mate on my level

My old man would have a fricken heart attack i reckon, his tinker aint so good 

Bwhahahah.. So true! LOL

chrs' dad rocking up and eating a snag that had been sitting out on the bbq all night then day has to be the funniest parent-recovery moment

Can't you just get a house in the bush? Practically undeveloped there   





With you 100% there... it's not like you can guard them 24/7 either

he is teh coolest!



god that was hilariously sketchy!

What are these 'kids' things you are all talking about?

I don't even want to think about the word till I'm 30, at the earliest.

What are the names of people's kids?
I am interesed as when I worked for a floral company we'd obviously see all the cards that went to the new babies. There's a trend in certain names and I wanted to know if anyone here has kids with those names.
Cooper
Flynn
Thomas
Bailey
Emma
William
Caitlin (or various spellings of it, hooray for my name!)
Max
All those names have had a surge in the last few years.

Was is last name Pale Ale?

The funny thing is that I know two kids called Cooper and I am sure there are more.

There's been a real swing back towards traditional names. A baby born last week is Thomas James. There are lots of Williams, Jacks, Henry's etc.

 Sal's god-daughter is Caitlin.

My mates bro has one of each of these.

Doesn't noddy have one of each of those too?

I don't know any little kids or babies at the moment but for some reason I like the names Emma and Tom, but if I had kids I'd like to give them big dramatic names so they can use the whole name or just a section of it, like Emmabella 

Yep 

So he's a trend following conformist 

At least he didn't name them Fifi trixibelle or something!

Also saw a lot of names like Chardonnee (yes, spelled that way)
Harley Storm
Roxy

I would probably name my kid Fifi Trixibelle 

Our little man is Koebi

My nephew is Flynn. He's 4 and i'm yet to meet a kid with the same name.

Thats cute. Does it mean anything?

If I have a son I want to call him Archimedes Gorogoth Warfist Mosus-Rockbone. Who's going to fuck with a kid with a name like that?

Zeus mabey. Osiris? Possibly Thor. That's about it.

it was worth the wait

I can think of one other person.

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I forgot to add the names Taylor, Crystal are also popular.
I also love how thousands of babies in China have been named "Olympic Games."

even worse.

my grandma and uncle dropped by once.  my friend yells from downstairs..

'MAZ! some old people are here!!!'

parents have rocked up too, but the nanna was easily the worst.

that was awesome!!!

my daughter is called Indigo

check these lists out:
They list ALL of the registered names of babies born in SA last year (and any other year back well into the 1990s, just change the year selection).
You can search by popularity or alphabetical order - the latter is great for a laugh when you see the ridiculously convoluted bogan spellings of perfectly normal names - FFS your child is going to have to spell 'YMAJYNE' instead of 'IMOGEN' for the rest of her life/deed poll you retarded morons! i think we counted about 16 variations on that name at the time.

Boys
http://www.ocba.sa.gov.au/bdm/babynames.html?startat=0&showsize=1972&orderby=amount&gender=male&year=2007&friendly=printable

Girls
http://www.ocba.sa.gov.au/bdm/babynames.html?startat=0&showsize=2581&orderby=amount&gender=female&year=2007&friendly=printable


Last thing you want is a name every second kid has, is too feral (cos what is deemed a posh name eventually gets picked up by bogans) too celebrity (think of all the 'britneys' right now, lol) etc etc etc.

I love when you get down to the names which have only one owner for this year... And you see the messed up spellings and names,
DAKOTAH-BLITZ
JAKE-BLADE
MYCHAL - Michael?
R-JAY
SLADE - This kid is destined to be an actor with that name.
DEJAI - Wicki wicki!
ELISHA - this isn't BOYS name! He's going to grow up like a Boy Named Sue.
ZEPHYR
I just love this one because it's got a hyphen single letter! CHARLIE-G.

CHICAGO - Interesting girls name, maybe where she was concieved...?
DOLCI - mmm dessert!
HOLLIIJHAY - What?
I would look for more girls names but my eyes are going funny from looking at the list. A lot of people are putting Rose or Lee at the end of daughter's names.

Although Terry is convinced that if we ever have a boy (god forbid children) he wants to name it Saul. That's a pretty old name, not seen much in the last, oh, 100 years.

But the other kids will just call him Archie or Boner 

Archie is fine, Boner is badass.

If I was a bogan I'd call him Arkymmydys Gorogoth Warfyst Mosys-Roq'bowne.

i'm going to be an auntie! woohoo!