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Unfortunately for Roni Size, the one time innovator appears to have used his final idea. We all know that his repetoir has diminished, some say he has become stale, only capable of rehashing the same old tried and used ideas.

Well, it seems Roni did have one last idea in him - but he accidently used it whilst out shopping. What could have been the next ‘Brown Paperbag’ or ‘Our Disease Terra’ turned out to be a Super-Noodle and Potato Waffle supper. If only you had saved that final idea for the studio, Roni! Just think what could have been.

***

A shocking piece of news has come my way. Recently, while “accidently” over-hearing a conversation with Lemon D, it seems that his watch - given to him by his grandfather - has always been set 4 minutes fast.

“Why is this shocking?” you might ask… it turns out that his much under-rated tune “12:01″ should in fact have been titled “11:57″, but due to a serious session on the smoke he had forgotten about the lapse on his future-loving watch.

***

It has been rumoured that Twisted Individual is to become a father. Let’s hope he doesn’t go along with the unfortunate celebrity naming craze… god help the kid with a name like “Snatch Gobbler” or “Felch Vicar”.


 

http://www.dailywobble.com/2005/08/01/instructional-how-to-be-a-secret-clownstepper/#more-6


i have laughed like this in fuckn ages,
what a funny cunt
its all gold

Drum’n'Bass Supressed by Maoist Regime
Filed under: News — Author: Terence Phillips

The strong, forthright beats of the drum… those complex snares ready to brainwash you. It’s easy to see what China, which has been communist since 1980, has to fear: a revolution at the hands of musically inspired Monarchists, who, it seems, are prepared to stop at nothing to overthrow the government and install one of the many popular Drum’n'Bass wobble DJs as their new king.

Drum’n'Bass has long had regal associations. In ancient times, the Roman army would march to the beat of a loud drum under the flag of The Emperor himself. Louis XIV of France was an avid percussionist, and Queen Victoria is rumoured to have owned a pair of brightly coloured size 15 shoes. Such large shoes are said to provide maximum stability when traversing wobbly terrain.

However, now that Crownstep has reached Asia, communists everywhere are reaching for the panic button, ready to raise the alarm, as monarchism builds up to the drop in every corner of the eastern world. Their worst fear, we believe, is that there will be a water shortage as Crownstep overtakes the currently predominant Riquid Funk. Such a double drop could see nations divide as governments are wobbled to their foundations, and it’s unlikely that Chairman Mao would sit by and let that happen.

Not all musicians are at risk of political imprisonment, but in these terrible times of the twin towers, the tsunami, terrorism and other tremendous tradgedies, governments and their agents are unlikely to differentiate between a dissident Crownstepper and just another innocent Jungrist.




ahahaa what a fuckn champ

Wobble-titis hits resident in Beechdale Road
Filed under: News — Author: Petra Poon

A new wave of Wobble-titus has swept the city, the first case being reported in North London. Tim Nitus claimed symptoms were typically: loud ringing in the ears, sore lower back and knees, a stonking headache and an over emotional state of mind. The cause of the epidemic is not yet known, but it is thought to be the result off spending an evening night rampaging at the local superclub listening to a savage eight hours of wobble-step. After a bout of 999 calls at unearthly hours, London doctors are swiftly working to treat the problem…the best advice they can give is to steer clear of the wobble…